1. Landline Telephone: I’ve actually turned this one off in my life a long time ago. Right now I think we actually have landline service bundled with our cable and internet but we don’t have a single phone plugged in anywhere in the house. Why would I want to use a (gasp!) phone book to find the number of the individual or business I want to call. In fact 95% of my calls are to other cell phone users which aren’t listed in a phone book anywhere.
  2. Dryer Sheets: These expensive little buggers have gotten into our household via inherited lifestyle more than anything. Both my and her parents used them and we were brought up to believe we needed them. I tell you what, you don’t. I can tell any noticeable difference in clothes dried with or without dryer sheets. Goodbye little expensive sheets.
  3. Fax Machines: I use a fax machine about twice a year and it’s either associated with a realtor or an outdated vendor. Get with the program. Scan it and email it. I don’t want to hunt down a landline with long distance (in most cases) and that also so happens to have a fax machine attached to it. Be gone noisy nuisance!
  4. Fancy New Vehicles: I’ve driven my share of brand new vehicles in my lifetime and all I have by the time I trade them for the next is negative equity. I’ve recently “downgraded” my daily drivers to older vehicles that have been taken care of and am not looking back. Not only is the monthly payment gone, but also full coverage insurance. Years ago I had a great-uncle ask me what I paid for insurance each month on my brand new Silverado when I was just 18. After I told him, his answer was, “There shouldn’t be any amount of pride that costs that much per month.” He was right.
  5. Cassette Tapes and Music CDs: Coming from a part time DJ, you might think this is absurd. Quite the contrary. I have ripped all my CDs to my computer hard disk and have never had a regret since. No more skipping. No more carrying hundreds of CDs to a gig. No more hassle. I don’t even create “mix-tapes/CDs” for myself anymore since installing a head unit (do they still call them that?) in my vehicles that accepts USB thumb drives.
  6. Email: Another surprising addition to the list, no doubt. But it is getting closer to the truth everyday. If I can communicate via IM, blogs, social websites, or text messaging I will. I hate sorting through hundreds of email everyday for the 3-4 useful ones. Email, your days are numbered.
  7. Viruses and Spyware: Since converting 100% to Linux on the desktop, I have had neither and don’t miss either. Why did I put up with this nonsense for so long on Windows? Seriously Bill, you need a solution.
  8. Newspapers: I don’t understand why anyone would rather read a cumbersome newspaper than view the news online. I prefer my news instantly and formatted in a manner that it doesn’t take a table top to read comfortably. And what’s with the inky fingers when you are done? Nobody wants that.
  9. Physical Mail: While we are talking about paper, let’s talk about the never ending supply that makes its way into my household via the postman. I don’t need 14 credit card applications per day and neither does the landfill. I pay all my bills online and that is how I prefer to be invoiced. The only thing that should be in my mailbox is items I have ordered for delivery.
  10. Voice Mail: My guess is that I check 10% of my voice-mails. I screen every call. Every single call. If I’m not in the bathroom or attending to other physical activities, I do not want to talk to you at that moment in time. If it’s important text it to me. I’ve never needed more than 160 characters to understand an emergency and neither should you. I don’t need a 5 minute message for a 5 second problem. If you are just calling to chat, don’t leave a message. I will call you back if I want to talk to you. I have caller ID. Don’t waste my time having to listen to that stupid computer voice tell me how many messages I have, which ones will be deleted, what time you called, and what time it is in France right now before I get to hear your message. Complete waste of my time.
  11. Businesses that are not open after 5 pm: This means in my timezone. If I can’t get your services online or via telephone (preferably online) outside of “business hours”, there is a slim to none chance that I will ever do business with you. I don’t have time to visit your holy physical presence between the hours of 8 and 5. I’ve quit patronizing many businesses including banks for this practice. I’m expected to be available around the clock. So are you. No exceptions.
  12. Vendors that only offer phone support: Will not do it any longer. Unless it is my number one absolute priority to get your crappy software/product working, I refuse to sit on the phone with you. Your hold music is neither entertaining or soothing. How dare you think that your product is so great that it deserves 100% of my attention to get support. If you don’t have email or forum support, you will not have software in my business or that of my clients.

Have I missed anything? What are you trying to rid your life of? Am I spot on or just way too liberal? Let me know in the comments below.

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