Dear Pamela—

I realize you’re angry at how Friday night’s Monopoly game ended. I’m writing this note to explain why certain things occurred the way they did, and, hopefully, to chip away at the chilly silence that has characterized our relationship the past few days.

Since we haven’t spoken, I’m not aware of your stance on the causes of our dispute. I believe our major issue was the housing crisis, which began with your properties on Ventnor Avenue and Marvin Gardens. But in order to put that in context it’s important that we first discuss the children’s inflationary habits. I realize Bethany is only 6, and you find it cute that she writes “$5,000” in crayon on the backs of the Chance and Community Chest cards when she runs out of funds and uses them to purchase houses, but, if you recall, that is exactly what led to the inflation that crippled our Friday fun.

McSweeney’s Internet Tendency: The Economic Crisis Hits the Markson Family Monopoly Board..