DON’T waste money on expensive iPods. Simply think of your favourite tune

and hum it. If you want to “switch tracks”, simply think of another song you

like and hum that instead.

DON’T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your

identity stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along with

your old bank statements.

SAVE money on expensive personalised car number plates by changing your name

to match your existing plate. – Mr. KVL 741GP,

DON’T waste money buying expensive binoculars; simply stand closer to the

object you wish to view.

AN empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive

vibrator.

SAVE electricity by turning off all the lights in your house and walking

around wearing a miner’s hat.

HOUSEWIVES, the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid for the

price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the other in

your coat pocket.

OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books, simply cross

out the names and address of people you don’t know.

SAVE on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The following

morning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble-full

of washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.

SAVE a fortune on laundry bills. Give your dirty shirts to the hospice shop,

they will wash and iron them and you can buy them back for fifty cents.

CAN’T afford contact lenses? Simply cut out small circles of cling film and

press them into your eyes.

MAKE your own inexpensive mints by leaving blobs of toothpaste to dry on a

window sill. Use striped toothpaste to make humbugs.

SHOPPERS, when buying oranges, get more for your money by peeling them

before taking them to the counter to be weighed.

WOMEN: Don’t waste energy faking orgasms. Most men couldn’t care less anyway

and you could use the saved energy to Hoover the house afterwards.

via Credit Crunch Tips email Jokes PG13 Funny Links / Text Jokes.